A Millennial’s Guide to Jackie Chan Movies

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Written By Sahil Kumar

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He’s always dealing with, always running and also always claiming sorry.

jackie chan movies. The man from Hong Kong that’s constantly attempting to break his limbs escaping from crooks– but not before whipping them with every little thing from ladders to buying carts to Turkish mementos as well as Dutch obstructions. This dude has nineteen lives, is one of the most well-known Chinaman next to Mao as well as has actually made more motion pictures than I have actually consumed rice.

Yet if you were born after 2000, Jackie Chan’s name might be as ambiguous as Michael Jackson i.e. you recognize him however you do not really know him. As an example, you may not know that this fella popularized the drunken-boxing fad, innovated kungfu activity choreography (by fighting several aggressors at the same time), believes that CGI is for losers, and also who virtually died leaping from a high cliff on a tree– because only cowardly Oscar challengers make use of something as disparaging as stunt doubles.

So, young people, below is a quick guide to Jackie Chan motion pictures for the inexperienced. Offer it a straightforward read and also I guarantee it’ll lessen your invest in cinema tickets and also maximize your pleasure from seeing bodies kicked across the space. So, from Sucks to Marvelous, in coming down order:

Rate 4: The Utterly Forgettable

The complying with flicks must’ve been produced nothing else factor than to please Jackie’s wish to check out new stunts. They all resemble a 2-hour prequel for the outtakes. Do not also bother to claim there’s a story, do not stress over the cheesy performing, as well as because you spent for the ticket already, how about a dozen unsatisfactory jokes whilst we go to it (the kind Eastern teens play on each other)?

Movies like Chinese Zodiac, Coat, Rumbling Bolt, City Hunter, The Spy Next Door, Shield of God 2, Unintentional Spy, Mr Nice Guy, The Medallion all smack of a circus-like environment in which all the stunts and ‘amazing components’ were filmed first after which the producers got together and said, Ok currently exactly how we gon na piece all this together?

There is no link in between the personalities and the audience. In fact, I located most of the characters irritating and all I wanted to do was slap them.

Take Miss Trace, for example. Practically a movie version of a ‘Visit Mongolia & China’ pamphlet, I absolutely could not give two negative kungfu kicks concerning Jacky character’s obsession for revenge against the criminal mastermind, about his god-daughter’s circumstances, regarding Johnny Knoxville and also his conman-like actions which is apparently a manifestation of his absence of parental love, about anything in the movie apart from the remarkable river, mountain and also desert scenery.

And also incidentally, I comprehend that casting Knoxville was essential because really few stars are additionally professional stuntmen but, omg, I’ve seen more persuading efficiencies from a Filet O Fish.

Save your ticket money, watch Star Trip Beyond rather. As well as, seriously, for flicks like The Medallion, this is what you do:

1) Most Likely To YouTube

2) Search for ‘Jackie Chan Medallion action scenes’

3) Enjoy it

4) Move on with your life

( The Dublin chase scene is class, incidentally. The method Jackie jumps/runs/climbs over a 20-feet gate? He ought to be President of the USA).

Do this for all the movies in this category. Include movies like Police Story 2 (with Jacky crossing the street by jumping on two buses), 3 (chase scenes in Kuala Lumpur) as well as 4 (combating among sharks in Australia).

And no not all of Jackie’s Authorities Stories are equal in the eyes of God (see listed below).

Tier 3: Attempting As Well Hard.

As most chess fans know, Gary Kasparov’s largest error was leaving the chessboard as well as getting in politics. Furthermore, as the majority of Jackie Chan fans understand, Jackie’s errors began when he attempted leave his trademark action behind and also attempted dramatization rather. Such efforts constantly wind up resembling me attempting to prepare pizza– I must stay with toasting bread.

Movies in this unpleasant category include Dragon Blade, Police Story 2015, Gorgeous, 1911 and also The Misconception. Some debt to the script-writers for creating above-average stories and also yes there’s always some excellent ‘ol Jackie action scenes yet– like I stated– seeing these films is like enjoying Christiano Ronaldo play badminton. It do not matter just how well he plays. The minute you understand it’s Ronny McDonnny, you can not help believing he looks unusual and also oh wouldn’t he better taking a free-kick?

The film which is symptomatic of this category needs to be Lovely. This is where Jackie played some love-sick dude succumbing to Shu Qi. Dammit! Repeat after me: Jackie Chan does NOT tip over himself in charming scenarios. No! Jackie Chan is the person that makes 20 gun-less bad guys chasing him fall on the flooring, into glass structures or out storehouse home windows.

If you want a love motion picture, go watch Deadpool or something.

Ergo, there is definitely NOTHING about Lovely worth watching yet the fight on the private yacht, the fight with the baseball bat and also motorcycle, and the vibrant kungfu-boxing scenes with Brad Allan in the paper factory. Duration.

And also who can ever forget Rumble in the Bronx where Jackie first lectures a hundred gangsters after which he entirely whips up their place, fighting with refrigerators, pinball equipments and also Televisions’? Who the heck needs education and learning and also social activism when one Chinese vacationer can change road thugs into squealing/moaning young children by kicking them to seventh hell?

A fast rule of thumb: Almost all Jackie’s flicks from the mid-90s’ as well as earlier are worth watching in full.

The Jackie Chan of the 90s’ might drive his vehicle off a high cliff with his only concern being that the camera makes it beyond a doubt that it’s his butt inside. This Jackie will certainly spew in the face of anything even appearing like a safety and security prop and would certainly not run too fast away from a surge due to the fact that just slowed down 2-year olds are afraid of entire structures rising in fires. If such cool things isn’t worth 2 hours of your free time as well as a popcorn, you need therapy.

The younger Jackie Chan had balls the size of Everest and the action scenes were fast, furious and fun. The older Jackie Chan? He just wants to win Golden Horse awards, tap into bigger movie markets and talk about the younger Jackie Chan.

Films like The Miracle, Twin Dragons and Project A II also showcase some of Jackie’s best experimental work e.g. fighting with durians, with red chillis, with handcuffs, with plates, with rope machines, with car testing machines, and even with karaoke equipment. Sequences like these are precisely why Steven Spielberg declared that if he ever directed a film with Jackie, he would defer the action scenes to the big-nosed fella from Hong Kong. That’s even better than curing cancer.

Tier 1: This Is What It’s All About!

Finally, four movies you have to watch RIGHT NOW before a meteor hits earth and every video-playing device is annihilated. From great to super-great, in descending order again:.

# 4– Police Story.

This movie changed my perception of why malls exist. Nowadays, each time I step into Suria KLCC, I imagine myself chasing bad guys from Kinokuniya to Nando’s, smashing up shit on the way and ensuring that bodies somersault-crash into everything from the Starbucks coffee machines to the Petrosains dinosaurs. The climax has Jackie sliding down a pole covered with a million light-bulbs because, again, any other option are for people with insecure sexual identity issues.

It’s also the first movie where Jackie unleashed hell with cars, hung on to a bus with an umbrella, drop-kicked someone through a windshield and answered twenty phone calls at a time whilst eating instant noodles.

Forget corporate team-building; just play this movie for your staff during training and say Discuss.

# 3– New Police Story.

Made almost 20 years after the original (with three sub-great police stories in between), this is one of the better 21st century Jackie movies around. The fight sequences with then newcomer Andy On weren’t the most creative, but they get full marks for intensity (engaged as they were for the sake of Jackie’s friends). The last time Jackie was that ‘serious’ was in Crime Story which, in my always right opinion, was ruined by the terrible ending.

This movie also has one of the best HK chase scenes ever filmed, starting from the top of a building, and ending with a crashing bus. And, for once, the story (not harmed with Nichoals Tse pulling the strings) jerked half a tear from me. In the same vein, check out Rob-B-Hood, also directed by Benny Chan– cute plot, good acting and you get to see Jackie rearranging baddies’ heads with drums and keyboards.

# 2– Drunken Master II.

When’s the last time you saw a guy dive into real life actual burning hot coals just to make an action scene look, uh, cooler? If you want to see it again, simply rent or download this movie, fast-forward to the scene where Jackie takes on half a dozen gun-less goons, beat them the heck up (whilst trying to avoid being buried in coal), then take his chances with two baddies– one who can punch like a kangaroo, the other who can kick like a horse– and, because pain is his friend, allows himself to get pushed into a smokin’ pit of coals. And, just to prove he’s not one of those pussies who runs away from 500-degree heat, Jackie has to crawl along the fiery hell-box and, as a finale, get kicked down a flight of stairs again.

This movie saw Jackie return to ‘traditional’ martial arts movie-making after about two decades of playing policemen, treasure-hunters and innocent by-standers who happen to be natural experts at MMA. As such, the sword- and fist-fights possess the veneer of ‘art’ and there’s an effort to pretend that these moves approximate cool shit you can learn in some Chinese kungfu school with a grand-sounding name on a plaque.

Oh, and it’s also a loose ‘sequel’ to the original Drunken Master (released in 1977) which shot Jackie to HongkyWood stardom.

Whatever the style– modern or trad– the action scenes are among Jackie’s finest: Sword vs spear fight under a train, bamboo vs axe battle in a coffee-shop, the much-promoted drunken-style action scenes (with Jackie bashing people up whilst trying to down a bottle of oriental Johnnie Walker) and, to top it up, the coal-crawling and fire-blowing scenes in which Jackie drinks industrial-grade fuel as a way of a) overcoming pain and b) clobbering the rotten moonlights out of the bad guy.

Avengers, sit down and take notes.

# 1– Project A.

This is it. This is totally it. The only movie you need to salvage from a burning video-shop.

Three major action sequences (in a bar, a club and a pirate cove), a bicycle chase, a death-inviting fall from a clock tower and a dim sum parlor fight structured like Chinese opera. This one has it all– more action than what you get in a hundred Marvel movies. If Jackie could’ve added an extra hour we would probably see him fighting off thirty Roman soldiers with a feather-duster whilst chasing a tuk-tuk carrying a bomb.

I watched this twice in the cinema and another 200 times between puberty and my first kid. Heck, I’m watching it right now plus I want it to be looped at my funeral.

If you’re a film theory lecturer and you haven’t adopted this film as the gold-standard case-study of all time, what are you doing? Quit your job, give back your academic certificates and go teach Maths instead.

As with Dragons Forever, this one has Jackie teaming up with his pals Samo Hung and Yuen Biao. The final scene, in fact, is a glorious 3-versus-1 gala where the trio battle the pirate king who, believe it or not, holds his own pretty damn well. Only Jackie’s action-choreography crew can pull off a stylish hand-to-leg-to-hand action scene in which swords, barrels, carpets and explosives combine in a way which makes you want to jump into the screen and kick ass yourself. The part where Samo charges at the pirate and delivers a flying kick at him in OMFG stylish slow-mo? Halle-frickin’- luyah, baby.

And have I mentioned the clock-tower? So there we have Jackie fighting off bad guys whilst, incidentally, being hand-cuffed. He climbs a flag-pole, leaps into a clock tower (because heroes like him can’t simply wait for the police to come), beats off yet another bad guy (one with a gun this time– honest), then runs out the top of the tower only get into another mishap which has him holding on for dear life at the end of the long-hand of the clock. What happens next? Oh, nothing much. Jackie simply lets go and falls through about a dozen awnings before crashing through the ground and having his spine smashed like a watermelon.

All so that Jackie can deliver the 2-second line to Yuen Biao: “Guess what? Gravity really exists!”.

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